I'll continue with the loss writing at a different time... I have not really been up to it recently. Instead, let's talk about Merkabah, and creepy poem time.
Hum, Merkabah was fantastic, but, truth be told, I felt a little detached this session. I decided to go without the Kava this go 'round.... so I was flying solo, so to speak!
The energy was still pretty high/joyous, so that's good at least. I was in very good company (with my twinsies Jes and Greg. <3) but eventually I could feel the depression that had been haunting my anxiety all week seep in. I decided that that was probably the time to say my goodbyes and come home.
I drew and wrote a little bit. Mostly just thoughts but I decided to once again listen to my dream self and put to paper a poem I dreamt about reciting. The one picture I actually enjoyed drawing was of a field of flowers, with a butterfly landing on one of them. I wanted only a little bit of color, so though the page was full of them, I only colored the largest flower, the flower the butterfly was aiming for, and the butterfly itself. I like how it came out, which is rare for me and my pictures. Hah.
My poem...was... creepy, in a sweet way? Like Adele's Someone Like You. I'll put it here:
Even If
Even if the stars fell from the sky...
Even if the seas swallowed us whole,
If fires rained, and it hailed ash.
Even if we cried our last tears
Our last meal was made of sand,
If our last drink was just nothing...
Even if your smile spoke of someone new
Even if those kind eyes looked away
And you turned your back, hand in hand with someone else...
Even if....
Yeah, that's it. Sweet/creepy, huh? I am pretty sure I know where this is coming from... it's something that I've been fighting with for a long time. It's okay. I will be fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore.
I have been having terrible anxiety for now the 8th day in a row. I'm not sure how to manage it, now. I guess I will just trudge on. The Show Must Go On, after all.
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